Monday, December 25, 2006 @11:49 PM
today is christmas yet im havin some lousy self reflecting here. whats the use having self reflecting here? it was totally none of my fault. not jus one thing. its mani things. its all about
MOTHER!
nowadays i seriously do not know what have got into her. she can jus shout at me as nd when she likes. she thinks she's always right. she tot when i didnt say a thing, she can climb over my head. for example, early in the morning, i jus wake up, i got shouted by her for absolute nothin! its like, im there brushin my teeth, she can shout at me, scream, like as if i did somethin wrong. What did i do?
next thing, i accidentally spilled a cup of plain water on the table. she can, scold shout scream like there's no tml. what is there to shout? am i goin to ask her to clean? is it very hard to clean? there is no single reason to shout at me. but, i kept quiet. not to say anythin as not make the matter worst. but, she can use lots of words that hurt me inside. next moment, she drop a bowl of soup. well, thats worst. soup. why not she scold herself, shout herself, scream at herself like there's no tml? does she need me to shout at her for her? why not she say herself she's the most stupid person on earth like how she say me. why not she say she's not a good mum. yet, she can shout at us, scream at us to get lost. F unreasonable!!
ppl can come tell me, oh, look, she has the whole responsibility to take care of you nd your brother as your father is not here to take care of you. nd she may be stress nd wartever shit. you need to understand her.
UNDERSTAND? come on, how long hav i understand her.how long hav i stand on her side to see how she feels. do ppl know how sufferin it is to understand her? if i don understand her, i could hav shout at her, scream at her like im always wanted to do. BUT I TRIED TO UNDERSTAND HER! how mani ppl hav gone over her to tell her, UNDERSTAND YOU BLOODY CHILD FEELINGS! how mani? ppl only know how to ask me to understand her. do you guys understand my feelings?
i know, you guys family also like that, ppl can say. but you nv know, how long hav i been controllin my anger..
i miss my father.
