Tuesday, August 09, 2005 @1:24 PM
..i hav a family prob..i jux wish i could jux die..n forget everythin..i wish i could vent my anger on somethin..or on some1..its totally unfair...y..?..y all de unhappiness oways happen on me...y everytime i see other ppl hu has a good family..a good father mother...carin parents...understandin..lovin...y i cant see in mine...y do i hav so much prob...my father is not dere...my mother is terribly unreasonable...y do she oways think fer her own..not me..not my brother..is dat wad she call care fer us..?..if dat is so..she's doin it in a terribly wrong way..she shouts at me..without gettin things clear..i wan to defend myself..she say i gettin bad to worse after i went to ITE...y..don she understand..its not me gettin bad to worse..its jux dat..thru out all diz years..she scolded me..i kept it in my heart..if i was reali wrong..i kept my mouth shut..i admit i was wrong..i don deny..i never talk back..but wen she scolded me unreasonably i still kept it in my heart..as i grow older..i will eventually feel im stupid..y..?..y let her scold wen im not in de wrong..y do i oways let her win..y do i let her shout at me as n wen in front of my frenz..everyday..every nite..i will think..am i doin de rite thin..
now as i grow old..i learnt to defend myself..not to get bully..i jux wan to say out the thin to her..clarify wif her..it wasnt my fault..she shouldnt shout at me..but..she will shout back at me..say i talk back to her..learnt the bad thin in school..i jux wan to get things rite..n she..hai...
jux like dat time..somethin flew into my eyes..n it was very painful..i ask her to blow..still de thin was dere to irritate my eyes..so i keep rubbin..den..i ask her is dere anythin inside..u noe wad she say..?..she jux shouted at me"i say nothin means nothin..i don see a thin..pain pain pain..pain fer wad"..she jux shouted at me in front of so mani ppl..in public..!!..she of course not pain..!!..she oso not me..but she dono how pain i feel..instead of helpin me to get rid..she jux shouted..wad de hell man..!!..i was shock..so i jux say back wif a little bit louder..cuz i was reali very angry..i say"but it is reali painful wad..u don feel it of course u say nothin"..she say..."u dare to talk back.."..but..y i cant talk back..im not in de wrong..im no more de little kid u like to scold as n wen...its not dat i wan to talk back..i jux wan to tell her u don shout at me wen u don feel de pain i feel...so she didnt talk to me fer weeks..refuse to giv me pocket money..
last sat oso..i hav dance practice..i've got to perform on monday..but i jux join de group..i hav lots to learnt..n it was like two days later i hav to perform..while practicin..she called..ask me not to go home so late..i said ok..den after a while..i told my fren i hav to go le..but bcuz i haven learnt everythin..n de next day we couldnt meet..so i stayed back awhile more..she called again later..askin me to come back now..i say ok..i immediately go off..but den while takin LRT..oways hav prob..after one station..de train say it will not b in service..hav to wait fer the next train..which is 10 minutes later..after 10 min..i board de next train..de same thin happen again..it happens 3 times..bloody hell..wasted my time..by dat time..it was late..den i took de last MRT..but the train is terminatin at Ang Mo Kio..damn..i alight..oso no bus le..so hav to take taxi..i was wif jennifer n her bf..we decide to share money..while in de taxi..my mum called again..ask y i haven come back..b4 i could say anythin..she shouted at me.!!..say"now u got wings to fly..no need to listen to me anymore..oways listen to yur fren..!"n hang up my phone..jennifer was bside me..she could hear my mum shoutin..wad de f***..my mum didnt even let me say anythin..she jux scream at me..wad is dat..wen i reach hm..she was sittin at de sofa waitin to scold me..after i closed de door..she was screamin at de top of her voice,"like to waste money rite!" i say"if not i cannot come back wad..no bus no mrt le"..den she scream"den y i ask u to come back u don wan..i ask u do thin u neva listen..yur fren ask u do wad den u do"..den i defended myself "not i didnt listen to u lor..i promise my fren to dance..n i hav to finish de dance wad..n wen u ask me to go home i go wad..its jux dat de train got prob dat delay my time wad"..she scream back "don giv me all this kind of excuses..u r gettin bad to worse.."..i was soo angry until i cant think of a word to say lor..but actuali..i got thousands n millions things to say her..!..n everytime she will critisize me in front of my bro..she will say to my bro"u beta study hard..don like some1..go into a lousy school learn lousy thin..bcum a hooligan..good thin don wan to learn..go learn those bad thin..i donno y i hav a stupid son like him..picked up frm rubbish bin one"..she donno how i felt..until now..i kept it in my heart..i neva tell her..neva tell anyone..how i feel..now she refuse to tok to me..refuse to giv me pocket money..wad am i goin to do..am i goin say sori .......
guys..do u think this is de rite thin to do..plz tell me..i don wish to b de stupid kid i used to b..lettin her scold weneva she wans..weneva she likes..plz giv some comments!!hai
♥ there's not a place
in heaven that we cant reach
